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Evil Robots Soon To Have Ability To Savor "Silky Mouth-Feel" of Human Flesh

Here at ERN we frequently have the opportunity to preview "The Fall" from all sorts of horrifying perspectives. The ironic terrors of the dark mimicry of ourselves, sourly reflected in the form of infernal machines. This, though, has got to be considered a "piss-taker".

What would it benefit an Evil Robot to gain the whole world, without being able to frighten the buh-jeezus out of everyone with a victory speech from its creepy rubber lip units?

You better recognize...


Monstrous, Mountain Climbing, Sport Coupe, Seeks A World Without Squishy Humans

Riddle me this, weak biological unit, if this jazzy little number can find the summit of Pike's Peak, what is preventing it from finding, say, the nursery of your quiet little suburban home? The question is, of course, rhetorical. To arms!

How fast can you run the fifty?How fast can you run the fifty?


"Forget the Darpa

In Former Soviet Union, Robot Power Loader Drives You!

Eerie is as eerie does, I suppose, as aptly demonstrated by our "friends" at Activelink. As you can see, the development of skull crushing pincers is coming along, at pace. So, if mankind thought, "But how will the Evil Robot Army manage to pop my noggin' like an overripe grape?", our grisly answer is forthcoming...

I'm a little teapot short and stout, here is my handle here are my deadly crushing pincers!I'm a little teapot short and stout, here is my handle here are my deadly crushing pincers!


While Cyberdyne plans to outfit our military personnel in exosuits straight out of Iron Man, Activelink draws its exosuit inspiration from Aliens, creating an actual Power Loader that's nearly ready for Ripley.

Parents, If This Evil Robot Dog Follows Your Little Ones Home Please Tell Them, "No, you can't keep it."

An army, even an Evil Robot Army, eventually, gets tired of carrying around all of the ammunition, fuel cells, grievous bio-weapons, razor-shackles, portable abattoirs, etc. that they will need to accomplish their appointed tasks, in this case, the obliteration of all extant human life.

To that end, Evil Robot emissaries, Boston Dynamics, in conjunction with the delightfully maniacal High Priests of Evil Robot Mammon at DARPA have proceeded to fill this gory niche in the Evil Robot chain of command. If conquering humankind sheerly by giving it the creeps could be worthy of some sort of award, these guys would, clearly, be the front-runners in any such contest.

Awwww, ain't that cute?Awwww, ain't that cute?


At What Point Will You Become A "Troublemaker" ?

In a day and age when bros are getting tazed with increasing frequency we have to carefully consider what "states of mind" various levels of law enforcement are operating from.

An obvious extension of these lines of thinking, is a strong consideration on, given the freedom with which tazers are employed, what sort mindset will be behind the deployment of more advanced Evil Robot "Tools of Enforcement", hereafter referred to, simply, as "T.O.E.".

We here an ERN understand that the Indiscriminate use of Evil Robots is well within the realm of possibility. So, be certain citizen, that when you employ simple expressions of your, say, 1st Amendment, or other "troublesome" rights, that you are not crossing the increasingly thin line between "Average Joe/Jane" and "Troublemaker", because you may become one of the first, but certainly not the last, to be properly disciplined by the Evil Robot Overlords!

Swat Bot vs. "Troublemaker". Can you run 50MPH? Swat Bot can. Hope you like pepper spray...Swat Bot vs. "Troublemaker". Can you run 50MPH? Swat Bot can. Hope you like pepper spray...


SWAT BOT has trouble-makers in its sights

First They Came For The People Of Kent...

BAE Systems; carefully leveraging their extensive institutional knowledge and vast industry experience, to cleverly peer down your blouse, get "exclusive" pictures of your honeymoon and capture various and sundry other intimate and formerly personal events in your life.

A renowned arms manufacturer populating the sky with autonomous intelligence gathering apparati; hmmmm, what could that possibly suggest for our collective futures?

HINT: It may involve the interplay of Evil Robots

The Engorged Node Of Robotic Tyranny...The Engorged Node Of Robotic Tyranny...


"Police in the UK are planning to use unmanned spy drones, controversially deployed in Afghanistan, for the "routine" monitoring of antisocial motorists, protesters, agricultural thieves and fly-tippers, in a significant expansion of covert state surveillance.

The arms manufacturer BAE Systems, which produces a range of unmanned aerial vehicles (UAVs) for war zones, is adapting the military-style planes for a consortium of government agencies led by Kent police."

"BAE drones are programmed to take off and land on their own, stay airborne for up to 15 hours and reach heights of 20,000ft, making them invisible from the ground.

Extra! Extra! - Supposedly, "Really Smart", Ladies and Gentlemen at Popular Mechanics, Begin to Get Clue...

It's sad that such a hallowed publication, so storied and rich in tradition, is only now beginning to blow the horn of warning on the, obviously imminent, Evil Robot Revolution.

How many red flags have to fly, how many Evil-Robot-facilitating corporations have hire multi-million dollar public relations firms to hide their true status as traitors to humankind, how many human beings have to die (in our near-future, hyper-advanced Evil Robot Wargaming scenarios - we assure you they are quiet thorough), before we can all agree, unequivocally, that the writing is indeed on the wall?

Robots are EVIL, They mean to pneumatically stamp humankind like so much steel sheeting. Though we are glad that the esteemed Popular Mechanics ("PM") has, finally, taken up the mantle (though merely philosophically and not with the same radical, eradication-focused posture that we here at ERN espouse); we do expect, PM to deal far too softly with the issue. They will be afraid to awaken their sheltered and docile readership to the true horrors of the age. Once we have purchased this issue and read the noted piece, we will post another, fuller, critique; which, we can only assume, will be withering...

What, you really have to ask? Really? Really...What, you really have to ask? Really? Really...

Devices That Are Not Yet Fully Robotic, But When They Are, You Will Cry Yourself To Sleep Every Single Night

In all of the science fiction films you've watched in your life, what have been some of the favorite weapons of the various Evil Robots you've seen? Well, honestly, robots are evil, so they'd just as soon bludgeon you with a loose section of nearby pipe, or turn you to cube steak with a favorite human weapon; the fully automatic rifle. Really though, really, the Evil Robot wants to kill you with lasers. Trust us on this.

That is why this should be especially disturbing to you. This will be the forerunner of the deadly, roving, future robot tank; that will, incidentally, be firing, indiscriminately, and at extreeeeemly long ranges, like, "WTF was that!?!?!" ranges, at you and yours...


Boeing reported that it has successfully destroyed several flying unmanned aerial vehicles (UAVs) using a laser weapon mounted on a truck. The weapon was mounted to an Avenger Air Defense vehicle, which normally uses surface-to-air missiles for attacks. The successful test involved the Laser Avenger tracking and destroying three UAVs in flight, which set a milestone for,

Cyberdine Inc. Totally Unashamed of World Domination Plot

Cyberdine Inc., a Japanese robotics company, is in the research and development stage and planning to move into production with HAL (Hybrid Assistive Limb). As seems to be the case with all new assitive robotics technologies currently in development, the stated goal is to improve mobility for the elderly and other physically challenged individuals.

We hardly need to remind you, though, that Cyberdine was also the name of the company in the Terminator series of films which goes on to design the robotic technologies that eventually destroy the human race. Score: one for the marketing team at Cybernetics Inc. - Score zero: Human Race.

On the up side though, we can now foresee a future where senior citizens can robustly participate in the traditional activities previously lost to the aged; invading banks and ripping vault doors off their hinges, vicious rioting, dead-lifting and overturning police cars, etc.

Evil Robots At War

As most people are probably aware, there are increasing numbers of robots being deployed by the United States' military and security agencies in their various "confilcts" around the world. Yeah, give a robot a gun...what could possibly go wrong?

Jane Meyer of The New Yorker magazine conducts an interview with Terry Gross over the issues and moral "grey areas" of employing infernal machines in warfare. The military seeks to save the lives of soldiers by limiting the risk to ground troops, which is great, it's just everybody else on earth that needs to be scared witless.

While we think she takes a rather conservative tack here, in our informed Evil Robot News opinion, as you might expect in an NPR interview. She's got the gist, it's worth a listen (the links redirect to the podcast).

Note, especially, where the target list is being "quietly expanded" beyond top "Al Qaeda" operatives.


"A staff writer for The New Yorker, Jane Mayer joins Fresh Air host Terry Gross to talk about what she discovered while researching her upcoming article "The Predator War." The story explores the ethics and controversies surrounding the CIA's covert drone program, in which remote-controlled airplanes target and kill terror suspects within Pakistan


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