Robots are becoming increasingly evil and, thus, news...

For decades our best science-fiction writers, government whistle blowers, leading technologists and fear-mongering crackpots alike, have been warning us of the imminent arrival of our "Evil Robot Overlords". That is to say, the arrival, "on the ground", near you, of autonomous and, quite possibly, wildly unfriendly artificially intelligent machines of various flavors and descriptions.

This site has been created to help you, the citizen, stay abreast of the ins, outs and general reports of horror, that will no doubt be forthcoming in our unavoidable and, probably, monstrously bloody, clash with our own misbegotten robot progeny.

So, please, make all due use of this resource as we attempt to guide you through the coming pre-apocalyptic, dystopic whirlwind, that is, Evil Robot News.

Note: the "ShareThis" link at the base of each post

Also, please, Note: this, on the whole, is intended to be a blog consisting of "Black Humor" and not well, really, an "unbalanced doom-saying screed"; but hey, judge for yourself...

The Management, Evil Robot News dot com

Psionic Warfare Will Bring You To Your Knees

We have frequently and ardently cautioned you to introduce as few artificial objects as possible into your body. Seems though, that there is a veritable gold rush of scientists with high-falutin' ideas, and droves of anxious guinea pigs just chomping at the proverbial bit to be filled up with all sorts of mess.

It seems like all willing, and the subsequently unwilling, will have no shortage of opportunities to be "at play in the fields of The Lord". Almost literally, as many excuses, use cases, and contraptions as you could imagine are, rapidly, coming closer and closer to fruition.

Join us then in a "mental exercise", which we employ frequently; it's merely second nature, really, at this point. Imagine, when seeing one of the "ultra-high-upside" and rosy "puff pieces" that you see regarding robots that, in fact, the inverse effect is the true intention. That is to say, imagine the power of, and the potential harm from, the described technologies if they were to be within the control of an "adversarial force", or if they were to "fall into the wrong hands", so to speak; or, of course, if they were to become "autonomous", in and of themselves, to who knows what end.

Now that we've engaged you in our game mindset which we, incidentally, refer to as, "Evil Robot Goggles", have a close look at the below story through our darkly-tinted frames. Abomination!!!

"A man has used thought alone to control nanorobots inside a living creature for the first time. The technology released a drug inside cockroaches in response to the man’s brain activity – a technique that may be useful for treating brain disorders such as schizophrenia and ADHD [ERN - Or the pesky condition of "being alive"...]."

Full Story @ NewScientist

Uhhhmmm, Yeah...

There are lots of things about the rich dystopia in which we live that do catch your notice, and that you then acknowledge, "Okay, that is actually pretty f'ed up...". After you've taken note, and felt the unease, you're merrily on your way. This, is not one of those things.

The only genuine difference between this device and Ridley Scott's facehuggers, is that this device takes, superb, 10K video of your insides as it's on the way in.

I mean, Jiminy Christmas...

"Form and Function

The Flex Robotic System is equipped with a high-definition camera and can bend to conform to a patient’s anatomy, allowing a surgeon to guide instruments through the patient’s body."

Full Story @ Bloomberg, God bless their fungible souls...

We (Well, Our "Box", actually...) Strongly Suspect(s) Your Future Culpability, In A, Quite Wide, Variety Of..."Crimes"...

How much of our autonomy, freedom, and "sovereignty", will we eventually have to relinquish to the ultra-magical, and eerily quizzical, "Black Box" of "Artificial Intelligence"?

By alluding to the term black box, we refer to our notion that arch-technocrats will eventually attempt to get us all to believe that they have magical premonitory powers. The effort to achieve this, remarkably deft, feat of legerdemain, absolutely, hinges on their convincing us that the arcane, byzantine, and, ultimately, ineffable devices that they build are, simply, "right", about a staggering breadth of things, which have historically been the purview of regular Jane's and Joe's (J's & J's).

We're sure we must have pointed this out before but, because it is such a seminal notion, we'll just reiterate here and, likely, ad nauseam in future. It goes a little something like this:

    Technocrat:          "Wow, you dummies were gonna commit some crazy crimes!"

    Average J's & J's:   "What? Dude, you're trippin'."

    Technocrat:          "No man, really, it's so good we stopped you, before you could kill-rob-rape..."

    Average J's & J's:   "F' you buddy, how, in the hell, are you presuming to know the future!?"

    Technocrat:          "Oh, no, dummy, you misunderstand me. It is not I who see the future, but this ultra-magical, 
                         trans-dimensional, black box that I have created, in my infinite logos; which, by the way,
                         is never wrong, about anything, ever..."

    Average J's & J's:   "Oh, so glad that you've taken the time to express to me your delusional fallacies; *_!!BLUDGEON!!_*"

All of this, peculiar sort, of "love and gentleness", and more, await you in the bright, shining, and cruelly designed new future; rejoice!

"Word to your shackles, yo!"

"The Norwegian government collects massive amounts of data about its citizens and associates it with a single identification file.

Berk hopes to crunch the data from the files of children and their parents to see if he can predict from the circumstances of their birth whether a child will commit a crime before their 18th birthday. The problem here is that newborn babies haven't done anything yet.

The possible outcome of Berk's experiment would be to pre-classify some children as 'likely criminals' [ERN - Man...give us an f'in break with this, darkly prurient, and psycho-socially bigoted, b.s.] based on nothing more than the circumstances of their birth."

Full story @

Nano-Robotics, It's in the Blood

Merrily we skip, down the primrose path, gayley frolicking amongst the butterflies and the bees, with nary a care, and with a light song in our cherubic hearts, beating so cleanly in our collectively naive breast; and that, is the kind of Pollyanna-type thinkin' that is going to get us all roasted, very evenly, from the inside out.

As we have previously pointed out, you do not want evil gunk inside your body (apart from the odd PBR, or double-layer crunchwrap, etc.), as we have taken the effort to point out here, and perhaps most laughingly, here (what...a...maroon...)

Good people of planet Earth, do not take any wooden nickels. Of course the road to Evil Robot dominion will be paved with rosy-cheeked promises of medical miracles and exhortations expounding the rapidly approaching one-hour work week. The Technocratic Overlords have always been especially skilled with the presentation of "the carrot", you don't have to stretch your memory too far though, we hope, back into the mists of time to remember though, our very rigorous, and clearly extant acquaintances, instead, with "the stick". Remember, for instance, these highly stylized attempts at social distortion?:

Obviously, the level of psycho-social sophistication has had to have been kicked up a few notches (that should be a sweet, sweet comfort to both you "big gals and little gals"), but you get the idea.

So, what have we below, but the greatest, whiz-bang, body supporting, gee-whiz, cornucopia of medical miracles that us genius man-monkeys could have ever dreamt up, gosh darn it! It's a jolly flotilla of plasma-swimming robots that'll gobble up all your bad cancers and gallstones. Not only do they swim around in your blood, but also take their source of power from your yummy life juice as well (that is to say, they, literally, eat you to survive not, ironically, unlike cancer itself), and then fade away harmlessly; no fuss, no muss!

image: Coneyl Jay / Getty Images

Exercise caution in your daily Evil Robotic affairs.

"As far as Samuel Sánchez is concerned, science fiction is temporary fiction. In his not-too-distant future, an army of cell-size, self-propelled nanorobots will do enormous good. They’ll be injected into our bodies, where they’ll hunt down tumors and deliver targeted medicines. They’ll save our rivers and oceans by cleaning up contamination. The bots will be our friends. [ERN - With friends like these...]"

Full Story @ Ozy

Peek-A-Boo Mother!$#@*^ !

In the 21st Century, it can be said, we will experience a level of surveillance, literally, inconceivable heretofore by humankind. We are all now very familiar with closed-circuit television, robotic traffic cameras and the beloved intimacy we have all fallen victim to with our smartphones.

It is though, as always, important to look forward into the gathering Evil Robot storm, and realise how all of these, seemingly disparate, vectors will, eventually, converge. The ultimate goal, aside from the darkly humorous notion of human beings getting casually lased in the streets by super-intelligent machines, is the preceding event; the absolutely precise geo-spatial-locating of the human beings in question.

The ever finer, ever more energy efficient and increasingly ubiquitous dragnet in which we will find ourselves (ultimately culminating in the, fabled, and long-envisioned, Smart Dust) is, in fact, being constructed. Again, As always, we counsel...vigilance!

See here below one further step toward the dust...

Seriously, I just saw that...

"According to Wood, it could be useful in 'basically any situation where you want to have low cost and distributed sensing [that] would be too difficult or too dangerous for a human.'

It might also have some pretty handy surveillance applications.

A robot bug that can land when no one is around and then stay quietly attached to the ceiling, without the need for audible motors, and that can wait to take off until no one is around, could be quite a boon for would-be spies."

Full Story @ Mashable

So, You Fear Hannibal Lechter-Style Killers? Well, Wait For It...

In a western media-sphere, in which we are inundated with visceral images of violence and body dismemberment, we are sometimes haunted by what, even fictional, bad actors can be capable of. Here is something else, more in the realm of the actual, to put on your list.

In a thinly veiled attempt to comfort the public about knife-wielding machinery, an enterprising team of talented surgeons and engineers at Johns Hopkins University, are looking to find the best method of producing the perfect human-fillet; I don't know if you're partial to chitlins, but you better hope that your Evil Robot Overlords aren't - Well, let's be frank, thermodynamically speaking, they will, eventually, absorb all assimilable energy resources at hand to "achieve objective", so... - because, it may very well be on the menu; thermodynamics is a bitch. A robot, specifically designed, to get all up in your guts; you're welcome...

"This advance in robotics comes courtesy of an enterprising team of surgeons and researchers at Children’s National Health System in Washington, D.C. and Johns Hopkins University in Baltimore, Maryland, who successfully built a new robo-surgical system and programmed it to suture together intestines [ ERN - and, unceremoniously, un-suture, no doubt... ] . The team’s work and eye-opening results are detailed in a new study, titled "Supervised Autonomous Robotic Soft Tissue Surgery," published Wednesday in the journal Science Translational Medicine."
Full Story @ Mashable

Though We Shouldn't Need to Elaborate...

Talk about throwing down the gauntlet; witness the below. As far as we are concerned, this is an open declaration of war. Having covered the Evil Robot beat for a little while, it has become part and parcel of the experience to be able to savour the droll complacency with which journalists and, in many cases, actual scientists and engineers, seem to so easily, and eerily sardonically, quip about what you and I might, legitimately, consider to be the inherently profane.

We've covered in these pages many animal-like robot simulacra for which little purpose could be imagined other than target capture. Here we have another exciting development in the rapidly unwinding tale of us becoming the hunted.

What is becoming a remarkably consistent thread in these stories, is the banal candour with which, the precise worst negative outcomes of these types of technologies are, explicitly, stated and then summarily explained away as coincidence to the machine's actual, supposed, function; amazing.

This highlights the battle for the last days of fleshy beings not only being one of engineering, but also, insidiously, one of an accompanying broken human psychology; be vigilant!

Gotcha' B****!

HINT: You are the impala in this scenario...

" Institute of Neuroinformatics at the University of Zurich in Switzerland did. They taught a robot to behave like a predator and hunt "prey," or a robot controlled by a human, using special software to aid the robot to mark its target and pounce.

The applications of these lessons for the predator robot are a lot less terrifying than thinking robots are about to start hunting the human race [ ERN - Do note the, indelicate, "switcharoo" here ]. It's about creating software that could potentially allow a robots to both take a look at their environments and then discern a target in real time. "

Full (and shameful) Story @ Engadget

The Jig Is Up, Put Down The Candy, And Let The Little Boy Go...

A seminal turn in the coming Robot Wars has been reached. This is seemingly very subtle, but actually belies a chilling sea change in the psychology of the way industry and society views the "robot problem". The below article details the recent, hasty efforts of our good friends, and Evil Robot Acolytes, at the University of Texas at Austin. They are prognosticating the out-population of the whole of the planet Earth by hoarding swarms of robots.

While we tend to agree that you will indeed be encountering increased numbers of infernal machines, numbers that will put you well outside your comfort zone; we are though, taken aback by the forecast that their numbers will actually supersede that of humans. The reason this forecast gives us the chills, is not that it infers that in excess of some seven billion robots will eventually be created, but that it more strongly suggests a precipitous decline in the upright mammalian population of the planet.

Even were the Technocratic Omni-Machine to work at its most feverishly conceived efficiency; hard to imagine those kind of numbers, no? Therefore, we can only assume, unfortunately, wholesale slaughter...

Break Yo'self Foo!

image: Paramount Pictures

" 'Humanoid robots will likely one day outnumber humans, which means each person may need to handle multiple humanoid robots,' [ ERN - which implies, does it not, in addition to a precipitous rise in the number of machines an, at least as precipitous, decline in the human population? ] they wrote.

With this future in mind, the University of Texas academics have devised software which helps them control a humanoid robot through the sorts of web browsers most of us use to access the internet on our smart-phones and computers. "

Full Story @ The Sun (

Death From Above (Fully Automated)

We've all, in this gruesome latter day of technological slaughter, become uneasily familiar with the concept of drone warfare. Our (The United States) government's chillingly "laissez faire" attitude toward this flavor of combat has been thorough and, largely, regrettable.

The saving grace had been that you had the comfort of knowing that it took a certain level of Military Industrial Complex logistics and know how to accomplish these feats of robotic..."interdiction". So, Joe and Jane six-packs like ourselves wouldn't be on anyone's target list nearly that far up the chain; right? Well, we are speaking mostly for ourselves here; we've no idea what kind of shenanigans y'all are getting up to (nor do we, really, want to know) but we are, here, for the most part, straight.

This bit of cinema verite below however, gives us a clearer insight into what any regular individual with a little disposable income, a really big back yard and the ability to shop on the Internet (this would probably be "dark net", to be fair, but nonetheless...) can bring to bear. A frighteningly effective device, no?

Full Story @ This Russian Badass' Youtube Channel ( you really must fear-respect this gentleman... )


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